Bullying Within Nursing Culture Part 1

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Nurses are often called “Angels”.  This term has made me feel uncomfortable when directed at me.  If that patient and their family only knew all my foibles and judgmental thoughts that go through my head in the course of a day.  However, sometimes we are not very angelic towards our colleagues.   

This phenomenon has many terms these days, nurses eating their young, nurse bullying, horizontal violence.  The good thing is, it is being documented and written about more and more in nurse literature, but is it decreasing the incidence of horizontal violence.

I am sure every nurse reading this can remember a time when they were the victim of bullying in the workplace.  The discomfort of being victimized by this never leaves us.  It can be especially bad for new nurses; at a time when they need to be mentored and supported they are wondering if they made the biggest mistake of their lives by joining this angelic vocation called Nursing?!

I once left a job when the bullying got so bad.  I loved the job, but a few burned out cynical nurses who decided to put a target on my back made life at work so toxic I did something I am not proud of.  I handed in my notice and walked out the same day!  This is not something I would recommend, but the situation had become so bad and once I handed in my notice I actually was in fear of the consequences so I just left and never went back.  Not cool, really not cool but I also have to say it was a vote for my emotional safety and I do not entirely regret it. 

The job started well enough, it was a new area for me but I was eager to learn.  The team were supportive, wanted to get to know me but it was obvious that a few nurses who had been there several years were burned out in the high stress area of pediatric oncology and had become victims to their situation, claiming their victim hood as a source of self-soothing for the daily grind.  It started with the usual gossip of other team members; with things as trivial as a perceived bad hair style to accusations of work ethic (really sometimes junior high never ends for some people).  I tried hard not to participate in these conversations; maybe that was my first mistake and the beginning of the target on my back.  I soon was avoiding coffee and lunch with certain nurses because then the trash talking would get really bad.  It set me apart; maybe they thought I was better than them.  Nothing could be further from the truth, not a novice nurse, but one in a new area, I felt I was drowning in information I did not completely understand and had nowhere to turn.  Physicians were too busy to entertain my frequent questions and certain nurses looked at me as if I was asking yet another stupid question.

Then started the withholding information, a power play that made me feel even more isolated.  Sometimes it was just that almost insignificant team stuff that makes you feel a part of the team, so and so if pregnant, isn’t that great?  Drinks after work, would you like to come?  Then this escalated to the team emails, highlighting that one small error I had made in a very public way. Often they came on a Friday afternoon so I would be in agony about the issue all weekend and dreading going back to work by Monday morning.  

Reasonable conversation helped in the short term but then the abusive behavior would start again.  When I took it to my supervisor I was told I needed to deal with this myself, it was the best way.  I had always prided myself as having good communication skills and not lacking in personal confidence in the workplace and a team player.  But I recognized I too was turning into a victim.  I seconded guessed what I was doing.  Once after I addressed the passive aggressive behavior face to face no one talked to me for two weeks!!! Well, clearly that did not work.  Soon I was crying every day on the way home from work and then I was waking at 2am dreading going to work.  My husband begged me to find a solution. I left but for a long time felt like I had failed in that position, when in reality the organization failed me.  It can be a silent lonely experience to be victimized in the workplace.  Bullies have a perceived power that is hard to come up against, it takes a fair amount of courage and emotional energy to make the daily attack that will enable long term change.

This was my story, everyone has one, and sadly I know this is true.  As I start this series on nurse on nurse conflict I would love to hear your story.  Please email me at angiemiller1966@yahoo.com and I will publish your story, anonymously if you prefer.

·        
        What is your experience?

·       How would you have handled it differently?

·       What tools and support do you think would have made the situation better

·       How can we finally stop this happening to novice and expert nurses alike